jokes

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I had a bunch of Canadian dollars I needed to exchange, so I went
to the currency exchange window at the local bank

Short line. Just one guy in front of me...an Asian guy who was trying
to exchange yen for dollars and he was a little irritated.

He asked the teller, "Why it change?? Yestoday, I get two hunat dolla
for yen. Today I get hunat eighty?? Why it change?"

The teller shrugged his shoulders and said, "Fluctuations" .

The Asian guy says, "Fluc you white people too!"

An Italian walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer.
He tells the loan officer that he is going to Italy on business for
two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000.

The bank officer tells him that the bank will need some form of security
for the loan, so the Italian hands over the keys to a new Ferrari.

The car is parked on the street in front of the bank. The Italian
produces the title and everything checks out. The loan officer agrees
to accept the car as collateral for the loan.

The bank's president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the
Italian for using a $250,000 Ferrari as collateral against a $5,000 loan.
An employee of the bank then drives the Ferrari into the bank's
underground garage and parks it there.

Two weeks later, the Italian returns, repays the $5,000 and the
interest, which comes to $15.41. The loan officer says,
"Sir, we are very happy to have had your business, and this
Transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled.

While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a
multimillionaire.
What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow $5,000?"


The Italian replies: "Where else in New York City can I park my car
for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return?"

A Zen master visiting New York City goes up to a hot dog vendor and says, "Make me one with everything."

The hot dog vendor fixes a hot dog and hands it to the Zen master, who pays with a $20 bill.

The vendor puts the bill in the cash box and closes it. "Excuse me, but where’s my change?" asks the Zen master.

The vendor responds, "Change must come from within."

Two Middle East mothers are sitting in a cafe chatting over a plate of tabouli and a pint of goat's milk. The older of the mothers pulls a bag out of her purse and starts flipping through photos. And they start reminiscing.

"This is my oldest son Mohammed. He would be 24 years old now." "Yes, I remember him as a baby" says the other mother cheerfully. "He's a martyr now though" mum confides. "Oh, so sad, dear" says the other.

And this is my second son Kalid. He would be 21." "Oh, I remember him," says the other happily, "he had such curly hair when he was born". "He's a martyr too" says mum quietly. "Oh, gracious me ..." says the other.

"And this is my third son. My baby. My beautiful Ahmed. He would be 18", she whispers. "Yes" says the friend enthusiastically, "I remember when he first started school". He's a martyr also," says mum, with tears in her eyes.

After a pause and a deep sigh, the second Muslim mother looks wistfully at the photographs and says ......

They blow up so fast, don't they?"

i am not racist but a friend told me that so take this one as a caricature

One sunny day in 2008, an old man approached the White House from across Pennsylvania Avenue, where he'd been sitting on a park bench.

He spoke to the Marine standing guard and said, "I would like to go in and meet with President Hillary Clinton ." The Marine replied, "Sir, Mrs. Clinton is not President and doesn't reside here." The old man said, "Okay," and walked away.

The following day, the same man approached the White House and said to the same Marine, "I would like to go in and meet with President Hillary Clinton".

The Marine again told the man, "Sir, as I said yesterday, Mrs. Clinton is not President and doesn't reside here." The man thanked him and again walked away..

The third day, the same man approached the White House and spoke to the very same Marine, saying "I would like to go in and meet with President Hillary Clinton."

The Marine, understandably agitated at this point, looked at the man and said, "Sir, this is the third day in a row you have been here asking to speak to Mrs. Clinton. I've told you already several times that Mrs. Clinton is not the President and doesn't reside here. Don 't you understand?"

The old man answered, "Oh, I understand you fine, I just love hearing your answer!"

An Asian man walks into a New York Currency Exchange with 2000 yen. He receives $72.00 in American currency. The following week, the same Asian man walks into the same currency exchange. He again exchanges 2000 yen. This time, he receives $66.00 in American currency. The Asian man doesn't understand why he received less money, so he asks the clerk, "Why less money when same 2000 yen"

The clerk replies, "Fluctuations." As the Asian man prepares to leave, he turns, looks at the clerk and angrily says, "Fluck you Amelicans, too!"

hope u liked the jokes